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We've been close companions for over two decades, a person who's overcome several challenges, her resilience is commendable. Yet, she has been often caught off guard by people. Her husband walked away, which came as an unexpected event. A lot of close acquaintances vanished then, since they had been drawn to the spouse. It shocked her. She put in more effort in our friendship, probably grasped more clearly what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

In the time since, quite a few close to her have disappeared and she isn't sure why. Her previous job turned on her, even though she had been very skilled at her work, she departed not understanding what had changed.

How Things Stand Now

Lately, both of us stepped back from work and are seeing each other more, yet I realize my role in our friendship feels one-sided. I open discussion points and she changes conversation onto what interests her. Politically, she expresses firm beliefs. I attempt to suggest double-checking information and alternate views.

She has been organizing a trip to a nation I know well many times even called home for some time. I tried to provide insights, however, my input met with resistance. She purely just desired my agreement with her choices. I recently ended a month in that country and she wants to catch up, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling in this role who cuts and runs abruptly, however, I feel she can understand the effect of her behaviour on my self-esteem. At this point, I find myself in distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

You could end things abruptly, yet this is seldom a smooth outcome that we desire. But confrontation aiming for a solution requires bravery and openness from both people.

Therapists recommend applying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Step one involves describing what typically happens when you talk. This needs to be as factual as possible and essentially what a recording device would replay. Step two is to tell her how it leaves you feeling. There should be no disagreement about this. What you feel are valid, after all. Step three involves requesting how you are both can shift the dynamics between you."

Remember your friend has her own side, meaning you must to be prepared to hear that. A helpful technique is to say to the other person:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to not say anything for 30 minutes."

It's wildly effective to encourage understanding.

Final Thoughts

Your friend might reject your concerns, for those who have a “survival narrative”: they have a story regarding their experiences they cannot let go of since their identity relies on it and it represents they trust. This is difficult because there's no clear path with these people, just dead ends. But she may start out like this and then think your perspective. And even if a resolution isn't found a fix, it will give you peace from having been truthful.